4 Truths About Giving That Are More Important Than Any Gift You'll Get
Introduction: The One Question We All Ask at Christmas
"What'd you get?" It’s the recurring Christmas question among friends, a familiar echo from childhood. Back then, it really mattered. I can still remember the year I got real bowling pins from North Shepard Lanes, turning my parents’ driveway into my own personal lane. The only thing stopping a wildly flung bowling ball was the underbody of their twinmobile Delta 88s, but I didn't care—every kid in Candlelight Plaza was insanely jealous. And I’ll never forget the snare drum I pleaded for, a gift of unconditional love from parents who endured the enthusiastic, loud, and obnoxious rhythms I beat out during every televised sporting event. Those gifts brought a thrill that was immediate and memorable.
As the years pass, however, that familiar question begins to fade. While the joy of receiving a thoughtful gift is real and wonderful, a different question emerges with age and experience—one that points toward a more lasting sense of contentment. That question is, "What'd you give?" The answer holds a profound and often surprising power, revealing truths about generosity, love, and happiness that no material gift can ever contain.
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1. The Real Secret to Happiness Isn't What You Get, But What You Give
It can take a lifetime to truly understand the wisdom in a simple phrase. We spend our early years focused on the excitement of getting, but eventually, a shift happens. We begin to realize that the joy found in giving is more fulfilling and more gratifying. It’s the lived experience of an ancient truth. As Jesus said:
It's more blessed to give than to receive.
This isn't just a nice sentiment; it's a practical reality. This year, through Episcopal Relief and Development, I was able to give gifts that will have a life far beyond Christmas morning: care for a mother and her newborn, education for a child affected by AIDS, seeds for a family garden, a share of a fruit tree, and a bicycle for someone who needs it. The joy from these gifts doesn't fade. In fact, even a year later, I still feel a deep sense of happiness when I think about the gifts I gave last Christmas—a share of a cow, a part of a pig, a flock of chickens, a beehive, and even a goat. That lasting contentment makes your own heart runneth over.
2. The Priceless Value of a 'Useless' Gift
The classic short story "The Gift of the Magi" by O. Henry is perhaps the ultimate illustration of sacrificial giving. The story follows a young, poor husband and wife, Jim and Della, who each possess one treasured item. Della has beautiful, long hair, and Jim has a family heirloom gold pocket watch. Desperate to buy a meaningful Christmas gift for the other, Della sells her hair to purchase a platinum chain for Jim’s watch. Meanwhile, Jim sells his watch to buy a set of decorative combs for Della's hair.
In the end, their gifts are materially useless. The chain has no watch to hold, and the combs have no long hair to adorn. But their desire to give sacrificially was a gift in and of itself—one that was absolutely priceless. The story’s power is in this paradox: the true gift wasn't the object, but the extravagant love that inspired the sacrifice. This theme is so timeless that it has been adapted countless times, from Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street trading prized possessions, to Mickey and Minnie Mouse doing the same, and even The Muppets, when Rizzo the rat sells his rare cheese collection to buy a dish for Gonzo’s mold collection. These stories remind us that the deepest generosity often has little to do with practicality.
3. Giving Is the Human Echo of an Ultimate Generosity
The impulse to give touches on something deep within us, connecting our small acts of kindness to a much larger, spiritual reality. At its core, our generosity is an echo of an ultimate giftgiver. Theologians Scott and Holly Stoner describe the Incarnation—"the word becoming flesh"—as the ultimate act of generosity. It is the moment we see what generous love looks like in human form, a model for how far love will go.
This understanding elevates giving from a simple transaction to a sacred act. It reframes the holiday season as a time to participate in this flow of grace. As the writer and mystic Howard Thurman beautifully stated:
Christmas is the season of the heart. We are now in that sacred space for the sacrament of sharing without balancing the deed.
When we give from this place, we aren't trying to "balance the deed" or worry about what we will get in return. We are simply taking part in a divine cycle of extravagant grace, where the act of giving is itself the gift we need.
4. The Single Greatest Compliment You Can Receive
For years, I had a Christmas tradition. I would go to the Armadillo Christmas Bazaar in Austin—a market only a place that "weird" could pull off—to find a gift for my nephew. He was a young boy who appreciated weird gifts, and the bazaar was the perfect place to find something no other kid on the planet would have. The artistic creations I found were often colorful, hilarious, and politically incorrect, perfectly suited to his unique personality.
One year, after he opened his gift, my dad shared with me years later that my nephew, who was about nine at the time, had leaned over to his papa, held the weird creation proudly in his hands, and said, "He gives the best gifts." To this day, it's the best Christmas compliment I've ever received. It wasn't about the cost or the utility of the gift. It was about being truly seen. The best gifts are those that say, "I see you. I know you. I understand what makes you uniquely you." They are a reflection not of our wealth, but of our attention and our love.
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Conclusion: A Gift Only You Can Give
Our journey with generosity often begins with the simple childhood question, "What'd you get?" But over time, we learn that the more meaningful path lies in asking, "What'd you give?" We discover that giving is a source of profound joy, that the most beautiful gifts are born of sacrifice, that our generosity connects us to something divine, and that the greatest presents are expressions of deep, personal understanding.
As you think about giving, what gift can you give that demonstrates a love so personal, it could only have come from you?
